I thought I made some notes about this topic. I search for it and came up with nothing. So am I going to write about it? Why not, since I already started.
The incident that triggered this is an event – my friend, Heerraa (http://heerraa.com/) is having her open mic session at 9pm yesterday and I was undecided whether to go or not. Now, you would think it would be a no brainer to go and enjoy her performance as well as the other performers’ show especially since the usual event I usually go to is cancelled and I have the TIME and means to be there.
However, there was a struggle in me (self-inflicted, of course). Before her performance, I was having a productive time. I was working on my stuff, things were going fine, and with the momentum going, I could accomplish more. That’s what my mind said. But there was this feeling of wanting to be there too.
And the ‘clever’ mind brought up this thing – you want to go because you feel ‘obligated’ as a friend. You don’t want to seem to be not supportive while the rest are there. And the kicker – YOU GOT WORK TO DO!
When has it been that I don’t have work to do. Work is never-ending. Though I enjoy it, there are times I take a break and do something else. So, what’s the big deal?
The BIG Deal is that it is a break from my normal routine. Heerraa is really growing as singer-songwriter and her gigs/open mics is going to grow. No doubt about it. This is just the beginning. The future includes more gigs/open mics and my life routine is going to change which has made part of me not wanting anything to change uncomfortable.
Did I make it to her open mic? I texted my mentor about the conflict I had and got his take on it. The answer as always – Follow Your HEART! When I sat in my car, I decided to switch on Waze to find out what time I would most likely reach there and looking at the time, I would most likely miss her performance. The logical conclusion is to skip this round.
Then I stop thinking. I know the general direction and so off I went. Along the way, a thought occur, why is my Waze so quiet? Meaning, there should be some instruction coming about now. I took a look and (surprise) it got switch off. I switch it on again and when the instruction to turn ‘right’ came, my mind said, “That is not right, it should be somewhere else” and I didn’t follow the instruction to realize later that I have mistaken the place where the venue is. So I took a longer route and I ended up there – ON TIME (??). That’s the beauty of listening to the heart.
They started late and she was a few minutes into her performance when I walked in. I enjoyed her session very much and a couple of others as well. I left about an hour later (as I promised myself earlier). Did I do the work that I wanted to do? Nope. The habit of, “Oh I am tired” came and I decided to go with that.
The obligation thing – I doubt it would come to that. However, I may not be able to attend all her performances but I will do my best to be there.
Now why the title – letting go? For me it is about letting go of my old routines and embrace new things. Letting go of one of my old way of thinking – i should help/support others and their things are more important than mine. It is about following one’s heart and I support whenever I can. It is my choice, not an obligation.
P.S I hope someday there would be a way to translate all my thoughts into words so that my thoughts are captured immediately and not another version of it when I start writing. The first version is (in my mind) way cooler than the final version.